229. Relationship Harmony

To have a relationship with another person is always a challenge. It is necessarily so because you have your desires, aversions, and beliefs and the other person has theirs. While there is often significant overlap, there will also be many differences. Perhaps they want something that you do not want, or you believe something that they do not believe. When these differences come to the surface there will be tension between you.

The presence of this tension will cause you and the other to worry. You are worried about the security of your relationship and its future prospects. You want the relationship to align with your beliefs about what a relationship should be, while the other wants it to align with their beliefs. If the tension becomes overwhelming, you might begin to resent the other and want the relationship to end. Or the tension might relax, as the two sets of desires, aversions, and beliefs gradually converge through mutual compromise towards a relatively stable equilibrium.

But compromise sometimes means abandoning cherished values, and what if you or the other cannot do this? Is the relationship necessarily doomed? Only if you are deeply attached to your values and beliefs. If both of you are able to see that these things are not your true identity then your differences will not cause the relationship to collapse. For if you understand that you are not your attachments, then neither is the other person theirs.

Seeing this means fully accepting the other as they are, and appreciating them regardless of any differences in beliefs or values. Through acceptance, another kind of equilibrium becomes possible. It is the equilibrium of loving compassion, a harmony that goes beyond attachment, beyond values, and beyond differences. It is a harmony built on care, on mutual support, and on profound empathy between human beings.