254. Blocked Empathy

When I see someone suffering, I feel the need to help them. I feel this is necessary not only because I rationally understand that their suffering is no different from my own, but because I feel their suffering as my own.

It is out of the awareness that all suffering is shared that I try to respond from compassion to a person who is suffering. The first step in such a response is usually to communicate. I need to better understand the other person’s situation in order to see the source of their suffering.

But sometimes, in the process of trying to do this, I might notice that I’m not connecting very well with the other. For whatever reason, further empathy is blocked. This happens because I have my own attachments to particular beliefs and aversions that can occupy my attention and prevent me from feeling the experience of the other as my own. It also means I’m suffering myself, even though I might not recognize my own suffering in the moment.

To be capable of seeing that I’m not empathizing fully, I need to remain sensitive towards myself even when I’m giving most of my attention to another person. Hopefully, I will then realize that my current awareness is not enough to assist the other in a meaningful way. To ignore this signal and force an attempt at compassion can easily produce a negative result. I might end up harming the other person rather than helping them.

The most compassionate response I can offer in this situation might simply be to listen and offer encouragement. Sometimes the most compassionate thing I can do is to get out of the way, and allow the other person to connect with someone who can empathize and offer the help they need. Compassion demands that I try to eliminate unnecessary pain and suffering, but this does not mean that I will personally be able to help everyone I encounter.